The One-Handed Economist

I have little to no patience for this kind of crap. Look, if you’re too goddamned stupid to not buy your child a game clearly based on violence, you don’t really have the luxury of demanding that the game company did something “irresponsible”. Hidden content is the bread and butter of gaming, that stuff has been around since the advent of computer games. Those of us familiar with the subject matter call them Easter Eggs.

Furthermore, the goddamn game is called GRAND THEFT AUTO: SAN ANDREAS, what did you think it was going to be about? Quiet strolls in the park collecting flowers? How can you not know this stuff, parents? If you refuse to “protect” whatever perceived innocence your precious little children have, then it certainly isn’t my job to do it for you. It also certainly isn’t the governments, and you certainly don’t have the right to ruin fun for everyone else.

Besides, the game was already rated Mature, and that’s clearly stated in the advertisements. What’s the problem? Little Johnny will be horribly scarred by “explicit” sex scenes, but he’ll not bat an eye to watch the house rocking while CJ pounds away on his pixelated hottie? By the time a kid is, oh, old enough to play a Mature-rated game it’s time to get him or her off the damn tit already.

And you, Hillary, you go to hell. You go to hell and you die:

“Apparently the sexual material was embedded in the game. The company admitted that,” Clinton said. “But the fact remains that the company gamed the ratings system.”

Clinton has asked the Federal Trade Commission to investigate, and said the ESRB must do more to police content.

Must do more to police content, eh? Are you calling for the rejected model of prior-restraint you ignorant slut? And, really, please explain to me how the company gamed the ratings system when the game was rated Mature and you have to go through any number of procedures to unlock it, especially on the PS2 or Xbox. Mature is about the same as R-rated for movies, Adults Only is about the same as NC-17, if you can’t figure that out I hope wild boars devour your children. That’s right, boars.

And you, Parent’s Television Council, are as odious a group of trolls as has ever crawled out from the sewers.

“I tip my cap to that first step of showing responsibility,” said Tim Winter, the council’s executive director. “Phase two needs to be absolutely getting to the bottom of this coding issue. How did it get into that game? How did it get past the ratings board?”

I’ll tell you how, jackass, by not being easy to access. And I’ll tell you another thing, which I’ll admit is repeating myself but these people are just as thick as creationists so it’s worth repreating, the game was rated for players 17+. I have news for you: by 17 your kid is in all likelihood already fucking, I highly doubt watching a little pixel porking is going to give them any ideas they didn’t have already. So, can it. Teenagers are, by and large, not really children, shut up about this and get back to finding other ways to ruin the country: like the regulation of cable TV or HillaryHealthcare. Assholes.

[Via Tycho]

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 20th, 2005 at 11:47 pm and is filed under VITRIOL. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.