It is a known fact that I, well, I’m kind of a jerk, at least to strangers. I’m okay with this.
I also have a very, very low tolerance for children acting up in public. I’ve told parents to keep control of them, I’ve told kids to shut up, I’ve talked to managers to have children who were causing a disturbance removed. There’s no excuse for it, none. If you’re going to take your kid out in public, keep your kid sitting at the table quietly (or at least not any louder than the rest of the patrons) or leave. I know this is possible, I see it all the time. Sometimes I have the urge to go compliment good parents on the way they keep control of their kids in public, but that’d be taken as creepy, I’m sure.
Anyway, tonight I went to grab a burrito at the local Freebirds with my sister. We order, and as we’re moving down the queue some little mop-headed blonde thing is running around screaming. I look at the kid and tell him, “shut the hell up”. This is SOP for me and yelling kids, maybe “the hell” is a bit unwarranted, but it’s a public place and I’d have gotten slapped into next Tuesday for acting up like that in public. I don’t think keeping the little genespawn quiet is too much to ask.
Enter the kid’s father. The dude, dressed in a polo shirt (collar up!) and shorts, can’t be any older than I am, comes up to me all aggressive with his finger in my face. Something like the following transpired:
Dude: “Hey! Don’t you ever swear at my kid like that again!”
Me: “Whatever.”
Dude: “I’m serious! Don’t you dare talk to my kid like that!”
Me (annoyed): “Then shut your kid up in the restaurant.”
Dude: “He’s a little kid, there’s no need to swear at him like that!”
Me (flatly): “Then shut him up.”
Dude: “Little kids are like that, if you want to we can settle this outside!”
Me (Confused/Sarcastic): “Ummm…not really, no.” {holds hands up in somewhat mocking gesture of capitulation}
Dude: “All right then, don’t swear at my kid again, all right?”
Me (More Sarcastic Than Usual): “Whatever, it’s your job to shut your kid up in restaurants.” {rolls eyes}
Dude (angrier): “Just say all right! All right!?”
Me (Sardonic): “All right, douchebag.”
Now, were I the type to spawn and were some other fool to swear at my spawn in public, maybe I’d get a little aggitated. I can’t really blame the guy for wanting to have words with me about dropping “the hell” on his kid. I mean, maybe PG-13 rated language isn’t okay in public or something. But this is the first time that a complete and total stranger has wanted to fight me over something so utterly stupid. I can see saying, “hey, you know, there’s no need to swear at my kid, you should’ve just asked me to get control of him.” Fine, cool, whatever, but offering to fight me? That’s just weird.
The other thing I really take issue with is the statement that “little kids are just like that”. No. They aren’t. Little kids whose parents are either too lazy or too stupid to discipline them properly are like that. I know how my parents would’ve responded, even at two, by making my sit on my hands in a chair. I’m just sort of confused by the whole situation. First time for everything, I guess.
